Begging you for mercy…

September 13, 2009

Hi there! Look at me, blogging away like a big girl!

I am having one monster of a weekend. I think it’s a good monster, like in Monster’s, INC….but we’ll find out after tomorrow evening.

For a little bit of background (I keep saying I’m going to make background posts, so that I can just linky-link…but do I? Of course not. I promise, once the 90 minute  lectures start, I will be dying to write those posts!) I am recovering from a massive injury. Basically, I suffered an injury when I was ten, and it never fully healed (I was ten. Physical therapy? Not Cool). Three years ago, I suffered another, bigger injury on top of the old injury. I have been to seven different physical therapists since then. I finally found one who is both brilliant and willing to work with the fact that I live an active lifestyle and will continue to live an active lifestyle. Other PTs have insisted that I stop working at a job that requires me to be on my feet. These PTs have obviously never had the luxury of being a married student trying to get enough hours to make rent and have your workplace work around your schedule rather than the other way around. In the past 6 months, I have made more progress towards healing than I did at any time during the prior two and a half years.

When my local Gold’s Gym announced that it was finally gettiing a Group Groove training session not only in the Pacific Northwest, but actually in Eugene, I asked my PT if I could go. She said yes. Biggest excitement/scare of my life!

What is Group Groove? It’s a super awesome fitness-dance program. You get to do Urban, Club and Latin dancing and it’s a huge self-esteem booster. The tagline is “If you can move, you can Groove”. And it’s great – no one is looked down on if they don’t do the moves right, etc…

Today I spent 10 hours “moving”. I have learned that my body does not move the way it did before the injury. In many ways I am more flexible, but in many ways I am terribly inhibited. It was hard not to break down and cry sometimes because I would be telling my body to do something that it could have easily done three years ago, and today it came out as a total mess. I felt like I could not keep up with everyone else – plus I’ve never instructed before. Cueing is hard when your brain is filled with “YOU! HIP: MOVE OUT NOW SOLDIER. I SAID NOW! NOW! THAT WAS NOT MOVING OUT! WHY DID YOU NOT MOVE OUT?”   I feel like my whole body has been beaten with several baseball bats. And I’m currently just taking abrief break because I have to get up and practice so that I can teach a song tomorrow. I get another 10 hours tomorrow – and it’s supposed to be harder.

The instructor took pity on me and gave me what is probably the easiest track. There is the part  of me in the back of my head saying “she thinks you suck. Look…you’re doing “Mercy”. How lame is that? She gave up on you…” But I am trying to ignore that.  In all likelihood, she was trying to play to our strengths. Some of the really strong instructors got genres in which they were totally out of place and uncomfortable, and that will be their challenge. For me, just getting out of bed tomorrow is going to be a challenge!

Part of me just wants to cry. I do feel like I am doing terribly, and that everyone else in the class is just shaking their heads and sighing at me. But if that is the case, then I need to go work on it and show them just how awesome I am going to be!  But first I need a shower. Like…a 90 minute shower.

P.S. I am housesitting for my parents and their adorable kittehs! They have a hot tub – AND IT’S NOT WORKING. I’m feeling pretty indignant about this. If they go to Europe, I get to use their hot tub. It’s common sense.

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